[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.]
Do you like feeling guilty or doing things that make you feel guilt? Do you find blaming people improves your life?
Would you prefer alternatives that don’t make you feel bad and do improve your life?
Feeling guilt and blaming others have become rare for me. Life is better without them: I feel better, have more rewarding relationships, have fewer conflicts, and resolve what conflicts I do have more quickly and easily than before. When you understand why you feel them you can avoid doing things that bring them about and feel more productive emotions when you do things that used to bring them about.
There’s nothing special about me. You can eliminate them too. I’ve talked to a number of clients and friends who have told me my way worked for them so I’ll do a short series on the emotions and how to manage them to improve your life.
When I have the following conversation with clients and friends, it’s two-way and takes a while. Reading it solo means you may have to introspect more in the absence of someone’s outside perspective. Or you could use it as a start of a conversation with someone else.
Today let’s answer at a high level: “how do you get rid of guilt and blame?” My answer has two parts.
The main part is to adopt other, more productive beliefs and behaviors when you used to feel guilt and blame and to experience reward from them. Such changes are based on understanding why you feel them in the first place and what you can feel instead
So the second part is to understand the emotions and alternatives to them.
The second part is the foundation, so I’ll start with it. Tomorrow and the next day I’ll write about the emotions and their alternatives. Afterward I’ll give alternative beliefs and behaviors.
Learn to make Meaningful Connections
with a simple, effective exercise from my book, Leadership Step by Step.
- Step by step instructions
- Video examples of me and Marshall Goldsmith
- An excerpt from my book