Quora Saturday: big-time failure, anger, jealousy, insecurity, and leadership

July 30, 2016 by Joshua
in Leadership, Quora, Relationships

Continuing my Saturday series on posting my answers to questions from Quora, here are my next questions answered:

I answered a few similar questions on jealousy with a few similar answers, but there are subtle differences between them.


Q: What are some historical examples of failures managed by great leaders? Especially by taking responsibility and not throwing anybody under the bus.

A: Johnson & Johnson’s handling of the 1982 Tylenol murders is widely held as a model for crisis management. The Wikipedia page on the subject is a good start on the story, with links to more detailed histories.

The company took responsibility without blaming others and emerged as a stronger leader in its field as a result.

Abraham Lincoln had to handle some military leaders whom he disagreed with during the Civil War. This article is a good starting point to learn more.

Charles Barkley is a leader in sports and handled a huge failure on his part when he spit on fans in 1991. Though he committed the act and his image suffered, in the long run, he emerged successfully. This video shows more. His Wikipedia article also describes more:

Upon retirement, Barkley was later quoted as stating, in regards to his career, “I was fairly controversial, I guess, but I regret only one thing—the spitting incident. But you know what? It taught me a valuable lesson. It taught me that I was getting way too intense during the game. It let me know I wanted to win way too bad. I had to calm down. I wanted to win at all costs. Instead of playing the game the right way and respecting the game, I only thought about winning.”

According to nba.com:

Barkley, consistent with his paradoxical nature, developed a friendship with the girl and her family.


Q: How do I overcome feelings of anger and jealousy?

A: Jealousy, at its core, is a fear of loss of something you value. You feel jealous of someone when you fear that their leaving you will make your life worse.

The best way to overcome those feelings is to develop the skills to improve your life as much as you want if they leave.

If you care for someone and they enrich your life, but you also know that without them your life would be as awesome, you don’t care for them any less, but you also become confident instead of jealous or needy.

As a side-effect, since most people dislike neediness and like confidence, they will probably like you more, further reducing chances of jealousy.


Q: How can people overcome insecurity and jealousy in their relationships?

A: Jealousy, at its core, is a fear of loss of something you value. Insecurity is similar. You feel jealous of someone when you fear that their leaving you will make your life worse.

The best way to overcome those feelings is to develop the skills to improve your life as much as you want if they leave. If you can fill any hole in your life, you don’t worry about people creating holes.

If you care for someone and they enrich your life, but you also know that without them your life would be as awesome, you don’t care for them any less, but you also become secure and confident instead of jealous, insecure, or needy.

As a side-effect, since most people dislike neediness and insecurity and like confidence, they will probably like you more, further reducing chances of jealousy.


Q: Is it possible to overcome jealousy? If so, how can jealousy be tackled and avoided?

A: Jealousy, at its core, is a fear of loss of something you value. You feel jealous of someone when you fear that their leaving you will make your life worse.

The best way to overcome those feelings is to develop the skills to improve your life as much as you want if they leave. If you can fill any hole in your life, you don’t worry about people creating holes. Then you don’t feel jealous.

If you care for someone and they enrich your life, but you also know that without them your life would be as awesome, you don’t care for them any less, but you also become secure and confident instead of jealous, insecure, or needy.

As a side-effect, since most people dislike neediness and insecurity and like confidence, they will probably like you more, further reducing chances of jealousy.


Q: How do I overcome jealousy? What really causes jealousy?

A: Jealousy, at its core, is a fear of loss of something you value. You feel jealous of someone when you fear that their leaving you will make your life worse.

The best way to overcome those feelings is to develop skills to improve your life as much necessary to make is as good if they leave. If you can fill any hole in your life, you don’t worry about people creating holes. Then you don’t feel jealous.

If you care for someone and they enrich your life, but you also know that without them your life would be as awesome, you don’t care for them any less, but you also become secure and confident instead of jealous, insecure, or needy.

As a side-effect, since most people dislike neediness and insecurity and like confidence, they will probably like you more, further reducing chances of jealousy.


Q: What system of leadership is the best and why?

A: The one that solves the problem at hand or achieves the goal desired.

The problem determines what will solve it. Without stating the problem, you can’t know what will solve it best. So in general, what solves the problem or achieves the goal best is the best system at that time.

Learn to make Meaningful Connections

with a simple, effective exercise from my book, Leadership Step by Step.

Including

  • Step by step instructions
  • Video examples of me and Marshall Goldsmith
  • An excerpt from my book

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