I believe that whatever someone does, ultimately I am responsible for my emotions. Someone can try to make me feel unhappy, but they can’t unless I let them.
I didn’t always feel that way. I used to blame others for how I felt. Maybe someone more skilled at making me feel bad could outdo my skills at resilience, but it hasn’t happened yet, at least not since I started developing emotional skills. And if it did happen, I would use the occasion to motivate myself to improve my skills.
Many people blame others for their emotions. I don’t find that perspective helps. Like other cases of blaming, the belief underlying blaming, however palliative, undermines your ability to learn emotional skills to improve your life.
I welcome readers to expand my horizons with counterexamples, but I can’t think of a case where a mature, sane adult benefits from abdicating responsibility for their emotions.
Learn to make Meaningful Connections
with a simple, effective exercise from my book, Leadership Step by Step.
- Step by step instructions
- Video examples of me and Marshall Goldsmith
- An excerpt from my book