To meet more valuable people, spend less time with people you know

December 12, 2015 by Joshua
in Choosing/Decision-Making, Relationships

Just back from an all-day networking event not just to meet people but for improving how you meet people I realized something new.

Do you try to meet new people to improve your network?

If you want to meet people who match with you more than people you already know, you have to free time from the people you know.

In other words, you have to spend less time with people you know to spend more time with people who work with you more. Does that sound Machiavellian? I don’t see an alternative, unless you can add more hours to your day. It’s a simple result of your time being limited. You can spend less and less time with people you know until all you do is text them as infrequently as possible, but what kind of relationship is that?

The choices I see in meeting new people are:

  1. Stop meeting new people and stick with those you know
  2. Meet new people and spend less time with everyone, including the new people
  3. Meet new people and spend less time with those you already knew but who don’t match as well

I think most people try for option 2, not deliberately, but by meeting new people and dreaming that the new connections won’t affect the old ones. The result: superficial, aimless relationships with everyone.

Removing people from the group you spend time with is the only option to improve your network. Whether it sounds Machiavellian or not, you might as well get used to it, because it’s better than the alternatives and you’re probably doing it anyway.

Why kid yourself?

Learn to make Meaningful Connections

with a simple, effective exercise from my book, Leadership Step by Step.


  • Step by step instructions
  • Video examples of me and Marshall Goldsmith
  • An excerpt from my book

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2 responses on “To meet more valuable people, spend less time with people you know

  1. I well-timed comment coming off connectorcon. Something we all have to think strategically about. I try to funnel certain “old friends” and specific “new people” down into my inner circle and then “double down” aka add much more value to that group since they are my most valued connections, offer the highest reciprocity, and give me the most fulfillment to serve. This is a tricky game though since we want to stay close with and help all. GREAT POST! It gave my an additional way to view my own strategy and is forcing me to rethink some of my next moves.

    p.s great meeting you yesterday

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